Beef Junkies

Synopsis: Cowgirl is addicted to beef. She and Cowboy, her boyfriend, lie in wait for the world's last cow, Betty the Bovine. When Shepherd, Betty's companion, arrives, Cowgirl tries to make Shepherd reveal her meal-in-waiting's location. Instead, he reveals that Betty is pregnant. Cowboy begins to have second thoughts, and he feels guilt over killing the last ostrich some time ago at a zoo. Seeing Cowboy's sudden reluctance, Cowgirl tries to blackmail him--if he doesn't help her, her people will kill the last salmon, which is Cowboy's favorite fish. Cowboy kills Cowgirl, telling her she was dying a slow death with him: "I would have killed you sooner or later. It's the way I am--I use people up." Shepherd, left with the homicidal Cowboy, has no choice but to help him look for the remains of Sal the Salmon so that a good fish doesn't go to waste.

Notes: Suitable for high school and older, and ideal for college and community/professional theatre productions.